Living the asexual life

I'm the most asexual person you will ever meet

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Anonymous asked: Mod Q, I'm totally with you on that. I just moved in with new roommates and started a new job and no one at home or work knows I'm ace. And I do want to be out and proud but I just can't find a way to do it, because once I mention boys or ex-boyfriends, people basically assume I'm straight. And while I'm more than happy to explain what it means to be asexual, I don't want to hear the response of "oh, but you still like boys? So you are practically straight" especially from people I'm living with


yep. so it goes. and like, I have a girlfriend now, but the folks at work don’t know, just cuz.. I don’t wanna deal with it. I don’t wanna hear, “but I thought you liked guys/but didn’t you date a guy” and then be like well I don’t really like anybody, doesn’t mean I don’t date when the mood strikes me. and they’ll be like, “so are you gay or bi or what” it’s like, what. and it’s stifling in a way, knowing that they assume shit, but it’s still preferable than having to explain everything and constantly deal with ignorant comments. so i’m just. not gonna say anything

~Mod Q

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Anonymous asked: To be honest I kinda feel like the ace community focuses on/mostly protects pro-sex aces and aro folk, which leaves many of me with a community that isn't very good for romantic and sex-averse/celibate folk. Do you know of any good blogs for sex-averse and/or romantic aces?


This one! We get a lot more asks from sex-repulsed aces, partially just because there are so many more of them. Um. I follow ace-muslim, asexualnarwhals, queenieofaces, redbeardace, and anagnori, just to name a few. 

Fun fact - if you ask the 4%ish of sex-favorable aces, the community focuses too much on sex-repulsed/sex-averse aces (55%ish of the community). It really all depends on what blogs you’re looking at. 

Our line here (and the line on my blog, as well as on all the blogs I follow I think) is that whatever your view of sex is, you belong here. It’s okay to want sex, it’s okay not to want it, it’s okay to not care. It doesn’t matter. You will always be welcome here. And it is important to discuss the issues that all aces face, as well as the issues specific to sex-favorable aces vs sex-indifferent aces vs sex-repulsed aces. AND we need to include and discuss both aromantic and alloromantic aces. 


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certainlyrandomhopefullyprofound asked: (1/2) To the anon who asked about coming out to large groups: Soon after I figured out what asexuality was, a fairly close-knit club I was in for school had us play a game where they placed words like "race", "religion", and "sexuality" on the walls around a room and then read out phrases like "I am most comfortable/uncomfortable with this part of my identity" and on a suitable phrase, I stood under sexuality and told everyone, when they asked if we had comments, that I had recently discovered


(2/2) that I was asexual (or rather I discovered that there was a word for it) and if anyone had any questions about what that meant I was totally willing to answer them.  I got a few basic questions then we moved on (after me, two others in the group came out as gay and bisexual).  Overall I think the easiest and most appropriate times to come out to large groups like that is during a team-building or get-to-know-each other excercize. People are more open to learning things that wouldn’t come up in normal conversation, especially since it doesn’t affect the flow of their normal day.

~Mod Q

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no but, okay, i was thinking about wicked: the musical queer headcanons earlier bc glinda and elphaba are absolutely 1000% in a qpr but i will fight THE ENTIRE EARTH!!! for aroace glinda

i came to the conclusion about ace glinda yesteday!!!! (and promptly changed the url of my main blog to aceglinda)

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Anonymous asked: Coming out at Work: Personally I would only do it if the conversation come up; but I had only worked in environments where no one really got close to each other. If it does come up and you mention it just direct them to good informational websites if they care to know more and leave it at that. You are not obligated to educate them but you also don't need to keep yourself hidden either. (within safety of course.)


This is my view on coming out at work too. Well stated.

~ EvilAngel

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Asexual fact: Asexuals recognise beauty in people as a predatory sense. Upon seeing a suitably attractive person, they will set a tracker on their new prey. The asexual then will find said prey when they are alone and absorb the beautiful person into their body, which grows the asexual’s power. They will eventually use this power to band together and destroy the rest of humanity.

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Anonymous asked: whats the difference between being sexual or feeling aroused or having libido?


We answer this often enough that I’m considering putting it in the FAQs, but since it isn’t there yet:

Sexual attraction is feeling that internal *drive* or *desire* to have sex with a particular person. We have a few descriptions for sexual attraction in the FAQs that you could look at that might help!

Feeling aroused is something that can happen to anyone of any sexual orientation- keeping in mind, of course, that not everyone experiences arousal. Arousal is feeling mentally and/or physically prepared for sex! If you’d like more information, I would definitely recommend An Asexual’s Guide to Arousal

Having a libido is pretty much synonymous with having a sex drive. Asexuals can definitely have sex drives- though not all do. Some asexuals “take care” of their sex drive by having sex, by masturbating, or by ignoring it. You can find out more information about libido in the Asexual’s Guide to Arousal link!


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Anonymous asked: Can you be asexual and have neither an aesthetic attraction nor a sexual attraction? I'm really confused...


Absolutely! The only qualification for being asexual is that you don’t feel sexual attraction - if you feel or don’t feel other forms of attraction, it doesn’t affect your asexuality at all. While many aces do feel aesthetic attraction, not all do: I’m one such ace (I only feel some romantic attraction and auditory attraction, nothing else). So, you feel you are asexual, you are. Bam.