Living the asexual life

I'm the most asexual person you will ever meet

9 notes

Anonymous asked: I asked what the difference was and you said aromantic is not feeling romantic attraction. asexual is not feeling sexual attraction. Then what is the difference between sexual and romantic attraction? Im not trying to be insulting, I just don`t understand what sexual or romantic or any attraction is and when and if I am supposed to feel them.


it’s not insulting at all. i apologize, i thought you were just inquiring after definitions; i didn’t realize you wanted the in-depth explanation

so to that end, i generally say that, if you have to ask what romantic or sexual attraction are, you probably don’t have them. most people that do feel them, are aware of what they feel like, even if they don’t put words to it. that’s why so many ace and aro people grow up feeling broken and isolated, because they notice a disconnect between how they feel and how other people feel

this is a little above my pay grade, but i figure sexual attraction begins appearing around puberty, which generally occurs between ages 10 to 17. but of course, there are those kids who, at 5 or 6, already know which gender they’re going to marry when they grow up. or in my case, i just assumed i’d be marrying a man because that’s what i was told, but i actually couldn’t have given to shits about the idea of marriage. i have no idea when romantic attraction appears, since most assume it’s synonymous with sexual attraction when it’s actually separate

here’s a helpful post in determining if you may be aromantic. and here’s an ask i just answered that’s similar to yours. i hope this helps, and if you have any more questions, you’re welcome to ask

~Mod Q

6 notes

Anonymous asked: i'm a freshman in high school so this could probably change but i'm pretty sure i'm aromantic asexual. the thing is, i've been in relationships and had crushes before, and i read probably too much fanfiction. but if i ever try to imagine myself in a serious/sexual relationship with someone, i get pretty weirded out. thoughts?


you’re right, it could change. but it could always change at any age, so that’S pretty much irrelevant.

If you don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction, you’re asexual / aromantic. it’s as easy as that. if that changes, it changes, but if you’re asexual/aromantic right now, that is that.

also, if you don’t want a sexual relationship that would only be asexual, not aromantic, and serious relationships can be sexless an non serious relationships can be sexual that is not mutually exclusive.

326 notes


i get that sex is important to many people, and you have every right to talk about it and enjoy it and not be ashamed.
but the second you shit on asexual or sex repulsed people because you personally like sex, i’m gonna lose my shit with you.

(via effaced-ace)

5 notes

Anonymous asked: i think i'm asexual, or at least somewhere on the spectrum. which i'm cool with! mostly! but there's this little societally conditioned part of me that feels... kinda sad about it? not that it's a bad thing! i'm happy i've found the right word! but... from everyone's descriptions of sexual feelings they sound kind of fun. or maybe i'm just feeling left out for never having felt like that, i'm not sure. anyway, question is: how do i deal with these secondary feelings of sadness/leftoutedness?


(same leftoutedness anon) it’s not even a “oh what will society think of me” thing, just an “aw man everyone says this is Literally The Greatest Thing Ever, the Thing That Makes Life Worthwhile, and while i know that’s not true their descriptions still sound like feeling like that would be fun, and i’m kinda sad that that’s something that i just can’t make myself feel” thing

Try not to dwell on the things that you don’t feel, Anon, but direct your attention towards the things you do feel. There is no one love (and yes, I count sexual attraction as a kind of love) that is better, or ‘more’ somehow than other kinds. Nobody is ever going to feel every single kind of love possible, because no two people love in exactly the same way. Even among people who feel sexual attraction, I doubt that all of them experience that feeling in exactly the same way. You can still love people in ways that are just as satisfying and important.

Whenever you start to feel like you’re missing out on something, go and do something nice for yourself that you can do. Personally, I like to throw negative feelings into baking, because there are few things that work better for getting rid of a bad emotion for me than kneading bread. But the goal is to find something that’s good for you, that reminds you that you don’t need to feel like you’re missing out on something because your life is already full of good things.


408 notes

Anonymous asked: I'm new to the community. Anything I need to know?


really quick Asexual 101


  • asexuality = no sexual attraction. that’s literally it
  • ace: shortened form of asexual; like how bisexuals are bi, we are 'ace'
  • asexuality is a spectrum, and gray-asexual and demisexual are valid identities that fall on the ace spectrum
  • allosexual: a person who experiences sexual attraction, i.e. someone who is straight or gay or bi
  • asexy: an ace term to describe something nice-looking but without the sexual implications of the word ‘sexy’


  • colors are black, gray, white, and purple
  • tumblr is being cranky and won’t let me use a pic but the flag is four horizontal stripes of black, gray, white, and purple descending in that order
  • black ring worn on the middle finger of either hand
  • ace of spades = aromantic asexual; ace of hearts = alloromantic asexual; ace of clubs = gray-asexual; ace of diamonds = demisexual
  • cake: a community in-joke is that we are obsessed with cake, because cake>sex


  • don’t tell people how to identify; there is no One True Way to be asexual and behavior =/= orientation
  • don’t throw people who fit stereotypes under the bus


  • do encourage varied representation of asexuals and show the world that there is no One True Way to be asexual
  • do look out for your fellow asexuals; it’s a harsh world out there and we’ve got to support each other


  • acephobia: discrimination against asexual people
  • allosexism: assertion that it is better or more valid to be allosexual than asexual
  • amatonormativity: assertion that monogamous romantic relationships are more valuable than other types of relationships
  • sex-disinterested: not being interested in sex/sexual things
  • sex-repulsed: being repulsed by sex/sexual things; note: sex-repulsion and disinterest can occur in varying degrees


  • don’t be afraid to ask questions as long as you do so respectfully
  • welcome to the club!!!

~Mod Q